Va, lietuviško alaus reportas iš 93 metų KNK
LITHUANIAN BEER INTRUDUZIOOOO!!!
Starting this lithuanian beer report we must say that
the main idea about it is that we suggest that anyway
you could better go and have some beers instead of re
ading idiotic braggings about from our piece.But in
the case your hand holds some styupid beer can made of
shitty metal so you beter go on reading all our story
The production of ber in Lithuanian began ages ago.
These days nobody knew f**k pistols but ALUS (beer in
lithuanioan) and MIDUS (another mystic lithuanian dri
nk that nobody has tasted but supposedly vodka meets
honey).It was years before Christ.The lithuanian cele
brations included worshiping of bbeer god Ragutis to
gether with consuming beer in enoprmous quantities.
Thuis is absolutely natural,no? In medieval chronic
les lithuanian ancestors are described as drunk barba
rians with rare introductions describing pagan fests.
OK,here we start travelling thru beery Lithuania.You
can supposedly sail into our port named Klaipeda.This
good town has brewery named "Svyturys" founded in 1784.
Svyturys in english means lighthouse which is very
simbolic.THe best beer "Baltijos" (alc.vol.4%),the
weaker variations are "Baltijos light"(3.2%)and "Bal
tijos original"(3.6%).Another z***bys beer is "Sirve
nos"(4.4%)."Kursiu" beer is legendary but shitty cos
it is light (2.8%).Anyway we must say that lithuanian
beer is much different from western beer.We cant ima
gine these idiotic stories of high priced beer sold
only for adults.Beer in lithuania is all ages show and
not anything like higly pasteurized light lemonade
shit with a tiny bit of alcohol.Our beer is thicker,
harder,heavyer and after having some you feel like a
very brave knight! Klaipeda also has f**kin great
old city where you can come across nice pubs (Ugnius
recommends "Siksnosparnis") with old germanic atmosp
here.
Lets go to the next time.Another town in western li
thuania region named Zemaitija is Mazeikia another
bastion with brewery "Lokys"("Bear",founded in 1932)
but new ber brads produced here "Zemaitiskas light"
"Zematiskas dark","Lokio"(3.2%),"Venta"(2.8%)do not
promise much.In general this area Zemaitija people
dont like beering too much and dont understand it.
There peasantss mostly f**k with vodka.Lets quickly
skip to more merry corners:
Siauliai is a town in centre of Lithuania,though it
is mostly understood as part of Zemaitija with nice
brewery (founded around 1890)"Ggubernija".Beer is go
od and original and earlier it used to be even bet
ter.Smiling bbeers are "Gubernija"(4.3%),and also
"Siauliu"(3.7%),"Pirslio"(3.4%),"Sodzius"(3.9%),"Dva
ro.".THere aro no more nice facts about Siauliai.
Kaunas is second biggest Lithuanian town.The best
and power old brewery "Ragutis" (named after fam
ous lithuanian beer god,founded 1861) now splits
into some productive ancestors which cover at le
ast with 1/3 of lithuanian land with beer (more
job is done by "Utenos gerimai").Among many scree
ny bear sorts are "Birzieciu"(6.1%),"Sirvenos"(4.4%),
"Ukininku"(3.9%),and during the heavy/thrash festival
in Kaunas i tasted a new thing - "The old Kaunas"
(4.2%).VERY GOOD! (but it's not clear , what is bet
ter : "The old Kaunas" or the festival , where i did
stage diving). So , everything seems to be O.K. in
Kaunas with berrr.Come and hyujumkukbyj !
Before going to lands that are owerflooded wiht
beerry we have a little stop in most shitty towny
"Panevezys".It is most full own american styled
shaved sportswear kids (not exactly skinheads),
which enjoy attacking newcomers.A little nice bre
werty is "Kalnapilis" (founded in ... dont know
Besxt brands are "Aukstaiciu"(5%),"Birzu"(5%),
other "Cicinsko","Zveju","Panevezio"are a bit
more bitter but weak and smell like shit like all
Panevezys very specific to all this town.Beer from
Panevezys is better when bought in some other town
witout going into this crusty hole.
And now welcom e in NORTH LITHUAANIA! Please belie
ve this is nice land with kind people.Anyone who has
at least some respect toi himself here makes homebrew
beer,shares it with neighbours and makes efforts to
distribute it among people.Homebrew is many times bet
ter than factories production.This taastes good and
IS strong.This is awesome!.The capital of homebrew
beer is little town Pasvalys.Ber is produced here
almost in every second house.This town has a really
good name in underground circles.Each year they have
small musical fest which attracts hitchhikers from
all country.Many people dont have a chance to see
anything besides beer when they come there,but in
the next morning friends teel each other stories
what did they did last night,what they saw though
their memories often have blach holes.All these sto
ries have a shape,smell and taste of magic,absurd
and wonderful tales...everybody go to pasvalys!..
Birzai is a town near Pasvalys.There is another
brewery "Kalnapilis" with nice brands "Sirvenos
"Birzu","Baltijos","Kauno"(3.4%).Also this town has
an old castle and lake so you can have a rest and
drink on the grass and riot on.On tthe road to Pas
valys there are many gardens with fresh apples so
when we missed the bus and walked we survived on
apples..then we were attacked by a bull when we
decided to steal some water from the cows in the
night.Then we got into a truck...Speaking frankly
Birzai is nice.
Also homebrew beer is produced in towns Joniskis,
Kupiskis,Rokiskis.
Region named Aukstaitija was always OK.It has many la
1kes and forests - good places to drink.Also it has
Lithuanian Beer Capital - Utena.The circulation of
beer lovers never stops at huge brwwery "Utenos Geri
mai" (founded in 1975).Beer is here very good it is
produced also for export.The most weird story is that
much beer is exported to Australia for lithuanian exi
les,which prefer it to local brands.Most strongest
beer in Lithuania "Porteris"(6.4%)is produced there to
gether with "Utenos"(4.6%),"Lietuviskas"(5%)-wowww!!!,
"Baltijos"(4%),good brands are "Bociu"(3%),"Aukstaiti
jos"(3.2%).Also they started producing elitist kind of
beer which is quite highpriced (0.5$)"GJ" which sounds
like "Utenos " beer meets german brands.Wuilia.! The
town itself has a lot of metalfans,bikers and stuff.
Beer is everywhjere,life can not proceeed witout it.
And also Vilnius.The capital has good brewery "Tau
ras" (founded in 1869)with reallu good brands like
"Tauras"(4.5%),"Senieji Trakai"(4.2%)& "Vilniaus"(3%)
Also beer can be bought by liters.Almost every day
in green parks of Vilnius young underground genera
tions spend many hours drinking beer.Each 5 minutes
some older people dressed in rags come and ask for
empty bottle.
IN general in Lithuania there are no problems with
beer.Previous comunist regime was controlling too
many things,so it was a bit of disorder in beer in
dustry.Now you can drink what you like and as much
as you like.Usually in our country the beer is avai
lable in liters so you need some can to avoid f**king
with glass bottles.The most popular is 3 liter jar.
Underground people drink in cellars in winter and
in the parks or near the lake in summer or you can
go to the bar or on the roof.We are happy!!!
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THAT'S ALL FOR NOW.... HOPE YOU LIKED THIS
ANYWAY, YES OR NOW, KEEP US IN CONTACT - WE NEED IT,
AND YOU NEED IT TOO !
POST ALL 2: K.N.K.
c/o SARUNAS KARALIUS
p.o.box 114
3005 KAUNAS
LITHUANIA
or contact me with e-mail:
jurena@zalgiris.pit.ktu.lt
Cheers and beers!
JuNe
